I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
