guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
