I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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