she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
