I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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