i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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