Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
