I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
