I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my being single is dangerous.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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