why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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