my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
