I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
