I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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