This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
