I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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