david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
