Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
