How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
