Can i not drive my cunt home
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
