I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
