he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
