The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
