So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
