i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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