Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
