I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it hurts more in the daytime
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
