Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
