Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
