the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
