I am in a vortex of obligation.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
