I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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