Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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