Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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