Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
