Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
