Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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