if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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