I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
