i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
