So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
