absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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