i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
