Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
