So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
