i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
