based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
