I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
