I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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