I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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