My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
