I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
