only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
